The most disappointing thing I can imagine has happened and my son's expression in this picture is exactly how I feel. I found out last night that I might not be going to Hawaii after all to be reunited with my husband. This was the worst news imaginable to me at this point in the deployment. The vision of being in Hawaii alone with my husband was all that got me through the last half of this 7 month deployment and now it's all up for grabs due to the possibility of the swine flu on his ship. I got this news via email right before putting my kids to bed...note to self - don't check email before they go to bed. It immediately put me in a very "downer" mood, not to mention extremely irritable mood. The kids seemed to know exactly what buttons to push and boy did they! It was an awful night of me yelling (yes, I do that sometimes unfortunately) and them seeming to be VERY disobedient. After finally getting to the living room without them following me, I sat down and after crying and praying and just feeling so unmotivated to do anything but curl up and die, I realized what an awful example I had been for them in dealing with disappointment. Although they knew little about what I was upset about, my 4 yr old knew that I might not be going to Hawaii to pick up daddy anymore. This was good news to her as she has been very intent on letting me know she's "big enough to go with me to get daddy", but she could also sense that it was sad for me because she mentioned that I should pray about it. I'm sad to say that today wasn't much better for me, but I am convinced that sometimes things happen to us as adults that don't seem to come as often as they did in our childhood, i.e - disappointment. When you're a child disappointment is an everyday occurrence - learning you have to share your brand new favorite toy, realizing that you can't have candy first thing in the morning, and having a babysitter put you to bed when all you want is your parent(s). These are all disappointments that we have to deal with as children, but slowly we become adults and disappointments seem to show up a lot less often and as they do they almost become more difficult to deal with because they're no longer a daily occurrence. So...what do I do now?? I wait. I pray. I ask God for patience and believe that whatever his plans are will be perfect for me. Is this easy? NO!!!! If I find myself getting impatient and easily irritated with my children tomorrow I will take a break and realize that I'm only 31 and Hawaii can still happen at some point in my future. I am also going to remind myself that I live in San Diego - it is beautiful here...all year long! I also know that even though I perceive Hawaii to be a paradise that I long to see, my eternal paradise will be so much more!
I'm saved, I am a full-time stepmother, I also have 2 biological children, I have ugly stuff in my past, but I am forgiven, I love my friends, I love God, I love my husband and my amazing children (all 3 of them), I love this Blog thing, I love to bake, hmmmm...there's lots more, but I'll stop there. :)